I went to Papworth on the 18th of June with Thomas and Rob. Despite trying to be realistic, i did build myself up for them to say i had made a full recovery. Yeah right!

I saw the nurse first and she did my blood pressure and explained what would be happening throughout the day.

I then had a chest xray and 9 vials of blood taken, where my hand went purple and freezing cold! I also had an ECG done again which was boring because of the pacemaker!

We sat waiting in the waiting area for around 20 mins, i felt quite confident as i had bee feeling so good. I was called in and i remember seeing this really beautiful girl who must of been my age and she was in a wheel chair and she had tubes all over her face, My stomach dropped and i felt really sick.

This was the first time i met my consultant at Papworth, Dr Lewis. In the room was 3 or 4 medical professionals including him. First of all i had to explain the whole situation pretty much from the pregnancy to today, and he wrote it all down.

He then explained the findings of the chest xray, me and rob looked at each other like omg! He showed us the pictures of my chest and my heart was even bigger than it was when this all started. I looked down at Thomas and his little eyes were so heavy, he fell asleep.

I know he doesn't understand, but i was glad Thomas was asleep. We talked for ages about the situation, but i cant even remember it, went in one ear and out of the other, they prescribed me some new medications and asked me if i had any questions about what was going to happen now.

Obviously i said yes! Haaa. Ummm this is when i was really glad Thomas was asleep as Dr Lewis explained that it is pretty impossible for me to be alive whenThomas starts secondary school without having a heart transplant. This being 11 years maximum and the average life with a transplant lasts 10 years.

I couldn't even cry. I had  a really bad headache but the rest of me felt numb, which is really strange as i knew this all along but it just felt horrible and shocking.

I wasn't going to write any of this as Ive been doing really well, walking and having more of a life :)
But the truth is that I'm more than likely making things worse long term.

Well anyway, I'm going to Papworth in the week beginning 20th August, to have tissue testing and some horrible needle put through my throat, and Ive got to stay there for 3 nights :(