I was so worried that i was going to be in hospital for Thomas' first Christmas. I felt like i was ruining it for everyone. On the 16th December, I decided that i really wanted to go home, the doctors advised me to give it a few more days but my mind was made up. They agreed and started the process of discharging me, as Dr Loke knew how much i wanted to be with Thomas. I had to stay pretty much all day, threw up a few times but i was so excited. I was definitely still strongly believing i was going to die, but i just wanted my family.

Rob and my mum arrived and we spent a couple of hours just waiting with my packed bags! A nurse came and showed me all my tablets and gave me a load of paperwork.
I looked down into the green bag she had given me and felt totally numb. All the tablets really scared me. I was on around 20 a day including pain killers.

We were allowed to go! well i had to go in a wheelchair as i was still very weak and couldn't walk hardly at all. When we got outside the cold hit me really hard i felt like my fingers and toes were going to drop off. I felt as though my face was bleeding and i just couldn't catch my breath.

That was a very long journey! Very uncomfortable also as i couldn't sit back, but i felt to weak to hold myself up.

When we got back, after lots of cuddles with Thomas me and Rob decided that we would spend the night together in our own house for what would probably be the last time. It felt lovely to be back in our bed, and it was the first night i hadn't been lonely, even though i was in so much pain i was a lot more comfortable at home.

Rob went to work the next morning at 7am. My mum, dad and Thomas came round at 9am, I was a little bit anxious at being on my own, i didn't move from my bed until they arrived. I loved spending time with Thomas and he gave me those looks that you only give Mummy!
My grandad and his wife Fiona came up from Ipswich to see me and we compared pacemakers as he had one too.

When Rob came home at 2pm, we decided that we wouldn't be able to cope with Thomas and me barely able to move. My parents agreed that we could move in with them. Oh great! I love my mum and dad to pieces but this was like being a kid again! But we didn't have a choice, it just wouldn't have been fair on any of us.