I found it really difficult to accept what had happened over the last few months, which i guess anyone would also find hard!
My head was full of so much negativity. I had pains that i just couldn't explain. I had daily episodes of just feeling my life slipping away and i could actually feel my heart stopping.
The only thing keeping me going was my fantastic family.

Until the end of February i was pretty much living in my pyjamas and in the bath 3 times a day as it was so warm and my circulation was so poor, i felt like my fingers and toes were going to drop off.

There are a few experiences that i should probably explain right about now.....
but i just can't. I perhaps haven't quite come to terms with everything! I keep typing them and then deleting them as they make me cry.

But anyway. Me and Rob went off to a hotel for the evening, just to have some space really and enjoy the jacuzzi and sauna. I had a genuinely great time, which i didn't think would ever happen again but i was sooooooooooooo knackered the next day.

In March things improved for me psychologically a lot! I still had my moments! But i felt like there may be light at the end of the tunnel. It was just a long tunnel!

Throughout March and April, i had to attend various appointments at Glenfield. I was rushed back once due to water retention, They wanted me to be admitted but i really didn't want to stay. The next week when i went back i had lost over 7kgs! My cardiologist was trying to be upbeat and encouraging. But i still went home disheartend. He told me that my BNP blood test result is around 4000 and it should be 35. He told me not to panic and nothing was certain but he needed to refer me to The Papworth Transplant centre. So me being me went home and googled BNP Blood results and came up with a load of horror stories about, high BNP being over 100 or something like that and people dying with it so much lower than mine.

Great!