The week leading up to Christmas was so scary and so hard. Rob was at work until 2pm everyday and i could hardly move from the bed. On Christmas eve, we decided that we wanted to go back to our own house and attempt to enjoy our first Christmas morning together as a little family.
Being back in that house was so hard. All the memories and the plans, that i had for us living in that cute little house and bringing Thomas up together just made me cry.

Christmas was so tiring and i knew how much my mum loved it. She wanted everyone to have a great time but i just sat in the bathroom throwing up!

The next few weeks passed by with lots of throwing up and a really bad cough. I hated new year as i was pretty depressed and death was all i could see. Everyone was making their new years resolutions and wishing happy new year. Pissssssssssssssssss off i thought :)

At the beginning of January i was at my Doctors surgery having a regular blood test called INR so that i could be dosed for warfarin. The nurse was concerned about my blood pressure being so low, my lips being blue and how pale my skin was. So she got a doctor who said i needed to go to Grantham Hospital as soon as possible. So i threw up my actual lunch, it looked like chicken stew and it even smelt like chicken stew!

Off we went again, only my dad looked after Thomas. When we arrived i was told straight away that i would be staying in. I just did not want to be there. I really didn't want to fight anymore. I had a scan of my abdomen which showed that i had an enlarged liver and it was in a similar condition to that of an 80 year old man.
I also had a scan of my heart done again which showed that the pacemaker was working and i was more stable but the function of my heart had barely improved.

The doctors explained to me that there is often a backlog when the heart fails and it can often lead to liver failure and then other organs begin to fail. This explained why i was being sick, along with getting used to the various tablets. I was allowed to go home the next day, As they expected my body to react in this way due to the level of heart failure.

Throughout January and February i was going to weekly checkups at Glenfield hospital. Finally towards the end of Feb, due to a change in medication, the sickness eased off to just a couple of times a week rather than 3 times a day!

I was feeling a lot better than what i had but life was still rubbish!