This is when it all REALLY hit me. It was so scary looking around and seeing all the other patients and how sick they looked. Mum and Thomas were in the waiting room as only 2 visitors were allowed at my bedside, Dad and Rob. Looking at their faces i could tell that it had also hit them!


I started to feel really sick, but as i hadn't been eating there wasn't anything to bring up. The nurses gave me anti sickness medication through a drip.


Mum and Dad left at around 7pm as they wanted to get Thomas settled at their house. I wanted Thomas to be with them as Rob would have to go to work and i wanted stability for him. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing i ever had to do, I had so much love for that gorgeous little boy but i just did'nt know if he would see me again. Rob stayed until 9pm when visiting finished and the ambulance would be arriving within 2 hours.


Then i was all alone! I cried for a while and then had to pee then cried then had to pee! (water tablets).


I calmed down a little around 10pm and even felt a bit sleepy. Then all of a sudden i felt overwelmingley sick and i couldn't move, I was trying so desperateley to move my legs but they just wouldn't move.
For what seemed like forever everything was in slow motion and it was completeley silent, i had little visions of Thomas and Rob without me, which i find strange that i can remember so clear even though my body was closing down.


I vagueley remember a couple of nurses rushing over and thats it really! I came round in the ambulance and could see one of the nurses had come with me and bought all her kit, i couldn't speak and when i saw her with the defibulator, i decided that all the effort i was putting in just to breathe wasn't worth it and i could feel myself drifting off. I just wanted it all to stop. I was so numb and so alone.


I remember being lifted onto the bed in the critical care unit at Leicesters Glenfield Hospital. Straight away i was put back on oxgen and given some Morphine through a drip.


I became really sleepy again but i was quite comfortable. A doctor came with the Echo machine and did another Echo of my heart. This was definateley the worst night so far! I just kept feeling ok and then all of a sudden couldn't breathe.


It was a lot busier at Glenfield, and pretty much everyone was dying or being rescusitated!