This is when it all REALLY hit me. It was so scary looking around and seeing all the other patients and how sick they looked. Mum and Thomas were in the waiting room as only 2 visitors were allowed at my bedside, Dad and Rob. Looking at their faces i could tell that it had also hit them!
I started to feel really sick, but as i hadn't been eating there wasn't anything to bring up. The nurses gave me anti sickness medication through a drip.
Mum and Dad left at around 7pm as they wanted to get Thomas settled at their house. I wanted Thomas to be with them as Rob would have to go to work and i wanted stability for him. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing i ever had to do, I had so much love for that gorgeous little boy but i just did'nt know if he would see me again. Rob stayed until 9pm when visiting finished and the ambulance would be arriving within 2 hours.
Then i was all alone! I cried for a while and then had to pee then cried then had to pee! (water tablets).
I calmed down a little around 10pm and even felt a bit sleepy. Then all of a sudden i felt overwelmingley sick and i couldn't move, I was trying so desperateley to move my legs but they just wouldn't move.
For what seemed like forever everything was in slow motion and it was completeley silent, i had little visions of Thomas and Rob without me, which i find strange that i can remember so clear even though my body was closing down.
I vagueley remember a couple of nurses rushing over and thats it really! I came round in the ambulance and could see one of the nurses had come with me and bought all her kit, i couldn't speak and when i saw her with the defibulator, i decided that all the effort i was putting in just to breathe wasn't worth it and i could feel myself drifting off. I just wanted it all to stop. I was so numb and so alone.
I remember being lifted onto the bed in the critical care unit at Leicesters Glenfield Hospital. Straight away i was put back on oxgen and given some Morphine through a drip.
I became really sleepy again but i was quite comfortable. A doctor came with the Echo machine and did another Echo of my heart. This was definateley the worst night so far! I just kept feeling ok and then all of a sudden couldn't breathe.
It was a lot busier at Glenfield, and pretty much everyone was dying or being rescusitated!
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Thursday, 29 March 2012
That was pretty much it for the night, Rob left at around 9pm and the nurses bought in a cot for Thomas.
I really struggled for a couple of nights, trying to care for Thomas with little help. I could hardly sleep and everytime i looked at Thomas he had completeley changed his position in the cot, as he was used to his little moses basket. At least he was comfy :).
I kept asking questions but no one really told me anything which made me paranoid. The doctors were asking me really strange questions such as "have you ever had restless legs" and "headaches".
I was told that i was going for a CT scan and an Echocardiogram (Ultrasound of the heart) but i still wasn't told why! My mum and dad arrived and took Thomas for a walk whilst i had the CT scan. On the way back to the ward, the nurse was asking if i was ok and i just said no whats going on? She told me that i have a large heart but the doctors don't know why and they need to investigate further. When i got back to the ward, my mum and dad were waiting, i told them i had a big heart and dad said "yeah we know thats why you love puppies!" We really didn't know how serious the situation was.
My mum and dad left the hospital at around 1pm as Rob was due to visit at around 2 30pm, they left me just as the sonographer came to do the Echocardiogram, (Echo). The room was completeley silent for around 15 minutes until the sploshing sound that was the machine potraying the function of my heart filled the room, very strange!
A while later a rather abrupt nurse came in with some baby milk (formula) and told me that i'm not allowed to breast feed anymore, as the medication i need will pass through the milk. She also said that she had spoken to the councelling team so that they could help me come to terms with the fact that i can't have anymore children! Lovely way to break that to a 20 year old! I phoned my mum straight away and just burst into tears. I then phoned Rob, i wanted to tell him to his face but i thought he would be totally gutted and just want to move on, not that hes like that but i was in hysterics!
I managed to have a shower on my own as i felt quite energetic! But after i just collapsed on the bed and couldn't breathe. Thomas started crying in the cot and i wanted to get to him, and i was trying but i just couldn't move. I managed to ring the call bell and a nurse came quite quickly, popped her head in and started shouting up the corridor. All of a sudden the room was filled with doctors and nurses, I remember seeing through the oxygen mask, my mum, dad, Rob and Thomas cooped up in the corner of the room as they had just arrived.
After a few moments, i began to relax and get my breath back, this was the first time that the situation was explained to us. The doctor said that i would be transferred to Glenfield Hospital in Leicster as soon as a bed was available as they specialise in heart faliure. I was also told that the echo showed the efficiency of my heart was around 5%, the norm is probably around 70%.
I could see my mum crying and everyone else just staring at me. I was really shocked and completeley convinced that i was a goner!
My blood pressure and oxygen levels dropped even further and i was moved to the critical care unit to wait for a bed at Glenfield.
I really struggled for a couple of nights, trying to care for Thomas with little help. I could hardly sleep and everytime i looked at Thomas he had completeley changed his position in the cot, as he was used to his little moses basket. At least he was comfy :).
I kept asking questions but no one really told me anything which made me paranoid. The doctors were asking me really strange questions such as "have you ever had restless legs" and "headaches".
I was told that i was going for a CT scan and an Echocardiogram (Ultrasound of the heart) but i still wasn't told why! My mum and dad arrived and took Thomas for a walk whilst i had the CT scan. On the way back to the ward, the nurse was asking if i was ok and i just said no whats going on? She told me that i have a large heart but the doctors don't know why and they need to investigate further. When i got back to the ward, my mum and dad were waiting, i told them i had a big heart and dad said "yeah we know thats why you love puppies!" We really didn't know how serious the situation was.
My mum and dad left the hospital at around 1pm as Rob was due to visit at around 2 30pm, they left me just as the sonographer came to do the Echocardiogram, (Echo). The room was completeley silent for around 15 minutes until the sploshing sound that was the machine potraying the function of my heart filled the room, very strange!
A while later a rather abrupt nurse came in with some baby milk (formula) and told me that i'm not allowed to breast feed anymore, as the medication i need will pass through the milk. She also said that she had spoken to the councelling team so that they could help me come to terms with the fact that i can't have anymore children! Lovely way to break that to a 20 year old! I phoned my mum straight away and just burst into tears. I then phoned Rob, i wanted to tell him to his face but i thought he would be totally gutted and just want to move on, not that hes like that but i was in hysterics!
I managed to have a shower on my own as i felt quite energetic! But after i just collapsed on the bed and couldn't breathe. Thomas started crying in the cot and i wanted to get to him, and i was trying but i just couldn't move. I managed to ring the call bell and a nurse came quite quickly, popped her head in and started shouting up the corridor. All of a sudden the room was filled with doctors and nurses, I remember seeing through the oxygen mask, my mum, dad, Rob and Thomas cooped up in the corner of the room as they had just arrived.
After a few moments, i began to relax and get my breath back, this was the first time that the situation was explained to us. The doctor said that i would be transferred to Glenfield Hospital in Leicster as soon as a bed was available as they specialise in heart faliure. I was also told that the echo showed the efficiency of my heart was around 5%, the norm is probably around 70%.
I could see my mum crying and everyone else just staring at me. I was really shocked and completeley convinced that i was a goner!
My blood pressure and oxygen levels dropped even further and i was moved to the critical care unit to wait for a bed at Glenfield.
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Luckily enough for me, i had a post natal check up the next day with the nurse. As i walked into the doctors, the whole room was spinning and i couldn't catch my breath. I managed to land on a chair and was helped up into the examination room by the nurse. She did my blood pressure (again) which was really low and she couldn't find my pulse at all. She tapped away at her computer and a few moments later a doctor burst in.
Its really hard for me to remember a lot of what happened next, but i know they got Rob and Thomas who were in the car to come in. They explained that i needed to go to hospital as soon as possible as they thought i needed a blood transfusion due to how anemic i was!
One thing i can vividly remember is Thomas' little face in his fathers arms, It was like there was no one in the room but him. I wanted to touch him and i was trying but i just couldn't, i wanted to hold him in my arms and kiss him and talk to him but i just couldn't.
I actually felt as though i was dying, it felt as if everything was slowing down and stopping. Some how we managed to get in the car and travel to the nearest hospital.
The three of us sat in A&E, i was starting to feel a little better which was great, as Thomas wanted milk and i was breast feeding him at the time. So i fed him in a side room in A&E.
If i didn't do anything, i felt completeley normal but even laughing and talking hurt my jaw which was great since Rob is some kind of comedian! After a short wait a doctor came in and asked about my family medical history and stuck loads of stickers all over my chest and performed an ECG (Tracing of the Hearts activity). We presumed that i had a blood clot as my mum had several found on her lungs a few weeks before and had been in hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital they did loads of blood tests, the results came back super quick, i was definateley not anemic! My iron levels were very high. I was assisted to have a chest xray done, and i had that feeling, you just know when somethings seriously wrong by looking at peoples faces. After a couple of minutes, a porter, yes! a hospital porter told me i was going to be staying in, i didn't even know what was wrong at this point, but i was certantly panicking.
On the way to the ward, the porter said, "Do you know what they found?"
I shook my head with what little energy i had, he explained that i had a blood clot, but they couldn't say where, i was kind of relieved as i had been building it up in my head that i was going to die.
Me Rob and Thomas just cuddled in the little side room that Thomas had blagged me, en suite :)
Its really hard for me to remember a lot of what happened next, but i know they got Rob and Thomas who were in the car to come in. They explained that i needed to go to hospital as soon as possible as they thought i needed a blood transfusion due to how anemic i was!
One thing i can vividly remember is Thomas' little face in his fathers arms, It was like there was no one in the room but him. I wanted to touch him and i was trying but i just couldn't, i wanted to hold him in my arms and kiss him and talk to him but i just couldn't.
I actually felt as though i was dying, it felt as if everything was slowing down and stopping. Some how we managed to get in the car and travel to the nearest hospital.
The three of us sat in A&E, i was starting to feel a little better which was great, as Thomas wanted milk and i was breast feeding him at the time. So i fed him in a side room in A&E.
If i didn't do anything, i felt completeley normal but even laughing and talking hurt my jaw which was great since Rob is some kind of comedian! After a short wait a doctor came in and asked about my family medical history and stuck loads of stickers all over my chest and performed an ECG (Tracing of the Hearts activity). We presumed that i had a blood clot as my mum had several found on her lungs a few weeks before and had been in hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital they did loads of blood tests, the results came back super quick, i was definateley not anemic! My iron levels were very high. I was assisted to have a chest xray done, and i had that feeling, you just know when somethings seriously wrong by looking at peoples faces. After a couple of minutes, a porter, yes! a hospital porter told me i was going to be staying in, i didn't even know what was wrong at this point, but i was certantly panicking.
On the way to the ward, the porter said, "Do you know what they found?"
I shook my head with what little energy i had, he explained that i had a blood clot, but they couldn't say where, i was kind of relieved as i had been building it up in my head that i was going to die.
Me Rob and Thomas just cuddled in the little side room that Thomas had blagged me, en suite :)
Hi!
I have decided to write a blog, for anyone who is going through heart faliure or anyone who just fancies a nosey!
I gave birth to my son, Thomas on the 12th October 2011 in Lincolnshire, England. Over the proceeding 7 weeks i bacame REALLY tired, i was wheezing after just walking up a couple of stairs and i could not lay flat without becoming outrageously breathless. I didn't want to go to the doctors because things felt so perfect with my new family and i thought if i just ignored it then i would be ok! After a really bad night towards the end of November my Fiance, Rob and my Mum Lorraine persuaded me to go to out of hours GP.
They did my Blood Pressure and checked my pulse which was a little high but, they got a second opinion and decided that i was severeley anemic and i could go home and start some ferrous sulphate tablets that would improve my iron levels.
The next day i attempted to carry on as normal looking after my newborn son whilst my partner was at work, but i just couldn't cope. I couldn't even carry him without every bone in my body feeling like i was just going to keel over. My mum and dad helped out for a while and when Rob came home from work we went to an emergancy appointment at my GP surgery. They did my blood pressure which was 78/33, very low and my pulse rate was irregular measuring 90 beats per minute and then shooting up to over 150 beats per minute.
However i was sent home and told i was just anemic!
Let me Know if anyones reading this and finding it interesting and i'll carry on :)
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