I cried pretty much the whole way to Glenfield. I was so convinced that i was going to die, I just thought whats the point? I might as well go home and spend my time with Thomas.

I was also really worried that i would be stressing my mum and dad out. Everyone was so happy i was closer and i felt like i had let them down even though it wasn't my fault.

No one was surprised to see me back at Glenfield, which made me quite mad. Someone should have stopped me being transferred back to Grantham as it gave me false hope.

My mum, dad and Thomas arrived pretty much as soon as i did. I wanted to be with them and make them all happy but i knew i just couldn't and i blamed myself. Dr Loke, the cardiologist came straight down and apologised for the mistake, but i couldn't stop crying.

The sickness really took over now, i couldn't even think about food without throwing up. I lost a lot of weight, around 2 stone in 2 weeks. I also became really moody and hated it when anyone spoke to me, especially when people said "awwwww you have had such a rough time", Yeah i bloody know!

I heard the familiar voice of the old lady from Grantham, that was waiting for a pacemaker, how strange that she would be in the bed opposite me at the same hospital. She did make me smile when she had a phone call from her son but couldn't work out why he sounded so far away, probably as she had the phone upside down!

I stayed in that bed out on the ward for a couple of nights, with a right old snorer in the bed next to me.

My blood pressure was still really low but my heart rate had stabilised, so the doctors said i could be unhooked from the monitors. As they had found a blood clot in my heart i was started on warfarin tablets. Yay more tablets! Not! It was good to be free and i could throw up in the comfort of the toilet rather than a cardboard pot.

I was moved into a side room again as the toilet was closer and i couldn't walk very far.
Over the next few days i would say i did get a bit stronger. Rob took me for walks up the corridor in a wheelchair and i sat in the day room and watched TV.

One Saturday Rob spent the whole day with me, he really cheered me up. After he left i struggled down to the day room to watch the xfactor final, i wish i didn't. Simply having a wonderful Christmas time! All the songs made me burst out crying and the adverts were full of happy little families. I wanted my baby so much. I could see out the window it was snowing, i wondered if i would ever be out in it with Thomas i craved him so bad!

I went to bed still crying. I still couldn't sleep and kept having to sit up as i wouldn't be able to catch my breath.

I stayed in hospital for a further 6 days, and they were pretty boring but i was so excited to get visits from My Mum, Dad, Thomas and Rob also my brother James. I didn't want anyone else to see me, i was such a mess.

On one of the week days, James, Mum and Thomas were sitting with me when i started throwing up, I was given some anti sickness medication through a drip and i had a fit, i remember seeing Thomas' face as James took him out of the room, I thought that was the last time i would see him. When i came round the Dr told me it was an allergic reaction to the anti sickness. Which was a relief as me and mum thought it was my heart.